what's that in your eye? oh... its a sparkle.

苹(ping) 果 (guo). it means apple. that was my fortune.

****

can two people be anymore perfect for each other? this is what siobhan thought to herself as she walked towards Cafe Cafe, her favorite coffee shop to meet up with her best friend nelly and recap the trials and tribulations of their dramatic lives. today's discussion would most definitely include siobhan's encounter of mr. right. it had happened only 60 minutes earlier but those darn butterflies floating around her stomach made it feel like she was still standing next to him in the fiction section of the library discussing their favorite Palahniuk book (his was haunted, hers was invisible monsters). when she closed her eyes, she could still see his face as if he was inches away from her. unkempt chocolatey brown hair, thoughtful grey eyes with just a hint of green behind thick black frames, freckles covering the majority of his tan skin and plump lips the color of grapefruits. she just happened to think that his looks would compliment hers just perfectly. he liked dark colored cardigans band t-shirts and slim fitting jeans (at least she assumed based of what he was actually wearing, because they didn't get into a discussion of fashion or anything like that.) and she liked subdued colored summer dresses and bright colored accessories. he'd be the quiet, pensive one and she'd be loud and exuberant. everyone would love when they would show up to parties, fingers intertwined, raving or ranting about the new movie they saw just a few days earlier. they would go to shows and sit at the bar together, he'd order an amstel light and she'd have a blue moon and together they would feel the music and their love for each other exploding throughout the room. a small smile appeared on her face. yup, perfect for each other.

nelly was going to fucking laugh at her. she just knew it, she was going to laugh her ass off. siobhan was just around the corner from Cafe Cafe and she could just foresee the whole thing going down. unlike siobhan, who nelly affectionately called von,

(finishes later)

NEW DIRECTION ------> thataway

ABANDONMENT

i seem to have strayed away from what this blog was meant to be. it wasn't supposed to be personal.

* * * * *

the bright orange tip of her cigarette glowed in the darkness of the hallway. down the hall the flashing lights from the television illuminated the living room. she couldn't walk back in there and face him, so she stood down the hall, puffing away, trying to think of what to say. much to her dismay, nothing was different like he promised. after 2 years of the same old bullshit, she wondered why she still put up with his shit. "fucking bullshit," she muttered between pulls. she crouched down against the wall and ran her thin, bony hands through her oily blonde hair. The water bill hadn't been paid so her hygeine had taken a beating.
"hey, what the fuck are you doing out there?" he leaned over and peered into the darkness. she gave him the finger and took another drag of her marlboro No. 54. Not a sound came from her direction, just the slow burning paper. "What are you fucking avoiding me now? You fucking bitch, stay out there." He leaned back and fixed his eyes back on the boxing match. Garcia VS Mendell.
"Fuck you, Ronnie! You fucking shmuck. Why don't you go watch your mama's television and get the fuck out of my house." She said to him as she walked back into the room. "Yeah, why don't you just get the fuck out. Your presence is not appreciated in my household." The harsh words sounded odd coming from such a small, petite girl. She was barely five feet tall, but when she has a little whiskey in her she felt like a giant.
The man just ignored her and watched the bloody beatdown on the tv. He took a long sip from his Budweiser and stretched out on the worn out recliner. He knew Agnes all too well, ignoring her would just piss her off even more and he loved watching her squirm with anger.
She threw her hands up into the air and sighed angrily. There was no winning with him was there? She pulled out another cigarette from her pocket and put it in her mouth. She lit her cigarette and walked into the kitchen where her bottle of Jack was waiting for her on the counter. She took a swig and cringed as the liquor burned her throat on the way down. "Fuck you, Ronnie." she said through gritted teeth.

the books ive finished so far:
the bell jar
flowers for algernon
the uglies
the pretties
smashed

books im working on:
sex, drugs and cocoa puffs
animal farm
dorian gray


not too shabby. my favorite of the ones ive read so far is definitely the uglies. i guess my genuine geek self loves sci fi. thats why i think i'll really like animal farm too. i'm watching ferngully right now, what a wonderful classic. they don't make cartoons like these anymore. i dyed my hair and it looks alright. its a two step process i suppose. ive been infinitely happy this past week. i saw 500 days of summer and my heart turned into goo. its sloshing around my chest right now. my pupils have been replaced with hearts and im seeing the world through a pink tint. so i was at walmart with david getting batteries for his new bb gun (sigh,..) and i saw miley cyrus' new clothing line. why do all this i find cute have to be raped and molested by the general public. guess i'll have to dig deeper into obscurity.

I don't want to be a second guesser anymore.


I'm planning on making some changes to myself, I wish someone actually thought i could pull them off though.