spring is here

she sucked long and hard on the menthol cigarette between her first two fingers. there was nothing better, she imagined, than sitting on her stoop on a warm spring evening, smoking menthols and reading. currently she was working on a silly romance novel that she picked up at a garage sale earlier that week. she usually steered clear of these types of books, but the main character oddly reminded her of herself or someone she used to know or maybe someone she had seen on tv that she liked. maybe the main character reminded her of what she always wished she could be like. having never have strayed too far from her small town in small town, USA, she liked to imagine that she would some day travel around the country and become cultured and mature and simply divine. she puffed away and feverishly read how the main character, probably a playboy pinup looking type of girl she imagined, fucked her boss in his office with the shades closed and the lights off. for some reason, she always read through the sex scenes really fast in case someone came up behind her and looked over her shoulder. she could just hear it now, "Oh my word! What in heavens are you reading?"
Dusk was setting in and sadness fell over her suddenly. She didn't like when it was dark out. Everything changed when it got dark outside. Suddenly people didn't smile at you warmly anymore. In the evenings people fought, cried, disappeared... In the daytime people smiled and hugged and played. Yes, everything definitely changed when the sun took its place on the other side of the world and the moon came back. As she placed another cigarette between her lips she closed her novel and watched the sun go down. She'd rather not have to go inside and hear the fighting, crying and screaming. She wished for once she could just disappear.. not forever just for a little while. Wishful thinking it was, she knew that. She figured out that you can never just disappear about 10 years ago.. but she still wished every night for the past 10 years that she could.


haha that sucks im just bored bored bored.

tumblr

not abandonment, per se.

well it seems to be fall

if life is like a box of chocolate. mine must have expired. these chocolates are moldy, their insides are sour. oh god, can i trade mine in. this bitter fucking taste.if life is like a box of chocolate. mine must have expired. these chocolates are moldy, their insides are sour. oh god, can i trade mine in. this bitter fucking tasteif life is like a box of chocolate. mine must have expired. these chocolates are moldy, their insides are sour. oh god, can i trade mine in. this bitter fucking tasteif life is like a box of chocolate. mine must have expired. these chocolates are moldy, their insides are sour. oh god, can i trade mine in. this bitter fucking tasteif life is like a box of chocolate. mine must have expired. these chocolates are moldy, their insides are sour. oh god, can i trade mine in. this bitter fucking tasteif life is like a box of chocolate. mine must have expired. these chocolates are moldy, their insides are sour. oh god, can i trade mine in. this bitter fucking taste. . . . .

i cant shake this little feeling ill never get anything right

[emopoem]

rip it out. set it ablaze.
burn black heart.
vessels burst. they sizzle.

what does a heart smell like when it burns?
cinnamon and cayenne.
pure gasoline.

crumble. fade.
an empty hole will remain.
blood sputters from the veins.
connected to nothing.
the gap in the bridge.
i digress.
watch it fade.
fade.
fade.
fade.
fade.
fade.
fade.

[/emopoem]

i cant play where im not s'posed to anyway..anyway

there just isnt any time

what's that in your eye? oh... its a sparkle.

苹(ping) 果 (guo). it means apple. that was my fortune.

****

can two people be anymore perfect for each other? this is what siobhan thought to herself as she walked towards Cafe Cafe, her favorite coffee shop to meet up with her best friend nelly and recap the trials and tribulations of their dramatic lives. today's discussion would most definitely include siobhan's encounter of mr. right. it had happened only 60 minutes earlier but those darn butterflies floating around her stomach made it feel like she was still standing next to him in the fiction section of the library discussing their favorite Palahniuk book (his was haunted, hers was invisible monsters). when she closed her eyes, she could still see his face as if he was inches away from her. unkempt chocolatey brown hair, thoughtful grey eyes with just a hint of green behind thick black frames, freckles covering the majority of his tan skin and plump lips the color of grapefruits. she just happened to think that his looks would compliment hers just perfectly. he liked dark colored cardigans band t-shirts and slim fitting jeans (at least she assumed based of what he was actually wearing, because they didn't get into a discussion of fashion or anything like that.) and she liked subdued colored summer dresses and bright colored accessories. he'd be the quiet, pensive one and she'd be loud and exuberant. everyone would love when they would show up to parties, fingers intertwined, raving or ranting about the new movie they saw just a few days earlier. they would go to shows and sit at the bar together, he'd order an amstel light and she'd have a blue moon and together they would feel the music and their love for each other exploding throughout the room. a small smile appeared on her face. yup, perfect for each other.

nelly was going to fucking laugh at her. she just knew it, she was going to laugh her ass off. siobhan was just around the corner from Cafe Cafe and she could just foresee the whole thing going down. unlike siobhan, who nelly affectionately called von,

(finishes later)

NEW DIRECTION ------> thataway